In Heaven

What a brutal week. My wife, her friend, and I have been cleaning our brains out, as my parents arrived today for their first Christmas in Canada in twelve years. I snuck out with her to get the last of our Christmas presents. And now, we're done all the work. It is all done. Now we can just enjoy the holidays.

I read the question somewhere - "do you believe in Heaven?"

Most of the time I believe there is a Heaven. Belief is a thing you can struggle with all of your life. Even Jesus had his moment of doubt, exclaiming "Lema sabachtani!" So every once in a while I've had that chilling moment where you feel someone walking on your grave: a dreaded feeling of, "Well, what if there is nothing? What if it is all a cruel cosmic joke?"

On the flip side, there are moments when I know, I just completely know, that God has been walking with me. In church, in the Eucharist, I always feel him near. And in grief especially, I feel the helping hand of a friend who does not want me to suffer, or despair that a loved one is gone forever. He brings them near for me, and comforts and holds me.

It is hard to just "know." Sometimes faith is more valuable, because faith is a kind of trust, a hope tossed to eternity even without the assurance of absolute answers. It is trust that the glass that appears to be half full, is in fact entirely full - by half with what we can see, and in the other half, what we cannot yet.