I can't concentrate

I have been a little out of focus since our loss. And I have been somewhat self-reproachful over it. But apparently is is not all that unusual.

I read in a BeliefNet article about Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the person who first theorized on the five stages of grief, that "the death of someone close to us has physical effects as well as psychological ones. Survivors usually have a lowered cognitive ability for six to eight months after a sudden loss—workers often have trouble returning to tasks they've performed easily for years after the sudden death of a family member."

I wrote in response, "I can attest to the cognitive impairment. I have not been the same the last few weeks, and I can't seem to get simple things done.

Fortunately, we were working on a very specific project for the family member we lost, and that has allowed us to an extent to keep our minds clear and focused. We have dedicated ourselves to completing this work in her memory, and it gives us a sense of purpose that we certainly would not otherwise have had. It is our last gift to her, but surely also her last gift to us."

We've latched onto the kitchen renovations as our memorial project. We are so lucky she got to see it in a near-finished state, and perhaps it was some sort of grace that allowed us to get there soon enough. Now we have to finish the job. She would want it that way, not even so much for her own sake, but for ours. It has become, perhaps, her way of remaining with us. :-)