Fathers be good to your daughters

So... I am trying to take the balladeer John Mayer's advice. As I noted, the news we got elated me at first. But the elephant in the room is that my daughter and her boyfriend have taken on a very adult responsibility for which they do not always seem to me to be entirely prepared.

I try to give gentle, coaching advice: making sure that my daughter tries to get her 600 hours worked so that she qualifies for EI maternity benefits. Try to get a friend to live with you, you'll need the company after a day of goo-goo gaa-gaa talk. Make sure you both take the pre-natal classes. Live in Centretown so you don't feel like a shut-in.

But it is hard. I'll be blunt - maturity is a factor here. Are they up to this? There are some good signs, and some worrying ones. My wife is looking at this optimistically. Most of my family is, too, but not everyone is. Though I am a chronic worrier, I've put some trust in the trend for things to work out. So I end up kind of falling in the middle. Sometimes my worries break through.

Most of all, I've tried hard not to be disappointed, or to act disappointed in her. She knows how I felt, but it is done now. This baby is coming, and needs to be loved.

But I sometimes want to say to her, What were you thinking? How could you take a chance like that? What about going back to school? One family member bemoaned their... how shall I put this... unambitious nature. And I cannot say that this is a point of view that is always completely without merit. And I want to say so badly, you can't coast through this one! Invest something in your lives, and see diligently to your affairs! The prenatal classes have not been arranged. The doctor has not yet been seen. The minimum 600 hours are only being pursued halfheartedly, even though it makes a big difference to the baby's standard of living.

I am in a kind of perpetual agony about this, a purgatory. I go home at night determined to be good to my daughter. And I end up, a lot of the time, being aloof and a bit chilly. I can't help it, because at least that deportment is keeping the stern lecture I so want to give in check. And I know how unhelpful that would be right now.

I am a very visual person. When the baby comes, I know I will be transformed, because my grandchild will be right there. I wish I could grab onto some of that magic right now.

Most of all, I want to be more generous in spirit to my daughter. Worries for her, for them, are getting in the way, and I can't lose sight of the big picture.