Christmas Oddyssey - Part I

Thursday night we celebrated our daughter's twentieth birthday (which was actually Saturday, but she worked.) We opened some of our Christmas presents, too, since we would not have my parents at Christmas. When the cake came in, we all sang, “Happy birthday,” as I tried to find the key on my guitar. Her boyfriend was over, and I think that was the first time my parents met him. Time goes so quickly, and the night was quickly done.

The next morning, our household was bustling, but in a fairly relaxed way. My parents got ready to go over to my brother's. We packed a few things for our trip up to the cottage, which we planned to do later in the day. I helped my Mom and Dad get their stuff out to the car. I stumbled outside with suitcases, forgetting that I was in my slippers. The edge of the curb where my parents' van was parked was full of muddy water and slush, and it was then I realized I had my slippers on, so I could not swing the luggage into the trunk. That made me less helpful than I had intended to be.

We kind of regretted that my folks left so early. They were not going to be able to go right over to my brother's. He runs an office in his house, and the staff Christmas party was that day. We did not want them thinking they had to rush off on our account, and I worry that they left just to accommodate our trip, which we would have delayed.

Before going up to the cottage, we usually stop at the Independent's and pick up some groceries. While my wife began that, I took my younger daughter over to the Wal-Mart to buy Mom a Christmas present, which she had not been able to do yet. She's been very busy with Pathfinders, horse lessons, band practice – I think she leads a busier life than I!

When we found the grocery store, my daughter hauled me off to the washroom to guard the door. While I stood there, my mother strolled by! They had come to the store to buy some water. She asked me why I was standing there.

“Daughter number two is in the bathroom.” I answered.

“Your brother is not quite up to receiving us. By the sound of it, the party is still going, he's feeling it, and so we thought we'd see a movie. But I can't see the theater!”

I pointed down towards the end of the South Keys mall. By the time my daughter emerged, her grandmother had headed into the gray day and off to her van. My daughter and I looked for her mother up the veggie aisle and spotted her. As we cruised past the frozen berries, the small talk turned to something earthshaking.

“I have one bit of news with daughter number one on that count. And you're not going to be happy about it.”

I made a disparaging comment about her boyfriend and “shagging”, and as she nodded, I thought this was just about sex. I frequently find myself outraged by the cavalier attitude young men have towards it these days – when they date a girl, they expect sex – as though it is their due. I'd always encouraged my daughters to have respect foremost for themselves, and find a higher purpose in life than simply sating the libido of some future long-forgotten boyfriend. I had long hoped my daughter would hold him off. But the fact is that it isn't just boys who have a libido. I knew by now that at her age, chastity was probably a lost cause.

Yes, I knew this, and if the wisdom I had tried to impart had failed, at least I hoped to be oblivious about it. But the thing my wife was leading me to was not just about sex.

“She's pregnant,” she said. “Very pregnant. Probably about four and a half months.”

I wasn't thinking now. My mind was a sheet of snow, like a television channel without a signal. I was feeling, not thinking, but when you feel everything at once, you cannot easily describe it. I felt many different and conflicting things- a maelstrom of unresolved chaos that had not yet formed a direction.

“I couldn't believe I hadn't seen,” She continued. “Have you seen her stomach lately? I was sure everyone would notice.”

An image flashed through the bursting artillery in the no-man's land of my head. In September, she was sick, repeatedly, every morning before work. I had asked my wife about it, but when it had passed, I thought perhaps it had only been a prolonged bout of the flu.

“I'm so glad I can talk about it now,” She offered.

“I'll bet,” I stammered.

“I've been frustrated about being unable to say anything before. I don't like holding back secrets. She only told me just as your parents got here. She waited so long to tell anyone, because she did not want to be talked out of having the baby. 'You know what our religious beliefs are,' I told her. 'How could you think we would do that?'”

In the first instant of the Big Bang, twenty dimensions folded down into three; protons and electrons formed on the quivering strings of the universe, became atoms and then molecules as the universe cooled into meaning. Something similar was beginning to happen in my head. The chaos was becoming order, and I could begin to make out my new reality.

I was going to be a grandfather! After so many years of losing family members, we were gaining one. Over the years, I've lamented to my wife that I missed having the very little ones around. “There are no little kids anymore,” I would say sadly.

The chaos formed a recognizable pattern. Hope. Life. Love. Anger slipped out of the picture – though that has visited me a few times in the moments since. No, not angry, not now - I was ecstatic.

I am going to be a grandfather. I have many fond memories from my early childhood of my own grandfather. He was such a warm and cozy presence, like the housecoat he always wore. He was full of stories, laughter, and always faintly smelled of sweet tobacco. He gave me a pipe when I was five, and we would smoke together.

The circle has come right around, right around to a place that is like the beginning. But I am the grandfather.

Grampa.

My wife spoke on about her reactions – conflicted as mine had been. At first, some anger over the stunning and blatant irresponsibility that had led to this, but taking delight in the fact that such a new and wonderful role is now part of our future. She will make an excellent Grandma. And I will do my best to be the kind of Grampa I remember.