Fear, Reunions, & Rites of Passage

I got invited to my last high school's 20th anniversary reunion today. I must admit that I was surprised by how I felt about it - I was thrilled!

Normally I approach any sign of getting older with the same trepidation with which I approach booking a dentist appointment. Every gray hair is a sign of mortality. I usually suspect every sore and aching part of me owes its soreness to age, even when Occam’s Razor suggests a backbreaking day’s work in the forest with my brother in law is more likely to blame.

This time, I realized something else. I do eagerly look forward to seeing old classmates, some of whom I know well, some of whom I forget completely. But surprisingly, I also welcomed this as a rite of passage. I am not young anymore, and a high school reunion is one of the siren signs that this is so (cue "Big Chill" Motown music.)

It has literally been some peoples' lifetimes since I was in high school. I graduated twenty - twenty! - years ago. And oh, how much I have gained. I have years of trials and tribulations to look back on; I have twenty years of many joys and fulfilled dreams; and I’ve laughed and cried lots in that time.

Inside, I do not feel all that different. The wiring of my mind is quite the way I remember it always being, even as a small child. But now I carry with me decades of observations and a modicum of wisdom to filter it through. I am becoming more completely me, just as I realize how very far short I still am of the goal, and will always be.

Hopefully, I still have many years left to live. I am not done, and I do not feel as though I should be done. I’ve still got a lot to do, and lot to fix about myself. But I am at a point on the road where I can look at the odometer, and go, "wow!" and look outside at the terrain and see how new it all is.

I am looking forward to hearing how the lives of all my old school mates are going. I know little bits and pieces where some of them go, but the teller always better tells a tale. I've never been to an event that formally reflects on the past. (I'm not counting wedding anniversaries here :-) I look forward to the reminiscing, and the collective navel gazing.