"I know dear"

Shortly before my grandmother died, I had a conversation with her. She had had a bit of a stroke, and had started to recover. We got to the deep philosophical topics. I do not remember exactly how it went, but I vaguely remember it like this.

"People don't need to live forever," She said, "And I have had a good and long life."

"I know, but I love you." I might have replied.

"I know, dear." And that's all she said on it.

Two weeks later, at the start of December, she had another stroke, and she lost the ability to speak or respond. My grandmother had been more than a grandmother to me, but a dear friend.

And I prayed. "Lord, I know my grandmother has had a long life, and she has earned her rest. I know I saw her this summer, but... please, if there's any way... can I see her one last time? If there's any way at all... just one last time?"

Two days later, on Thursday morning, on my desk was an envelope, from across the country. I opened it. Inside was a card from my grandmother - a Christmas card, even though we were just beginning December. Inside it read, "I wish I were with you this year, love... Nanny."

Something fell out, and I picked it up. It was a small one by one photograph, taken at her ninetieth birthday that summer, when we went out the west coast for her party. It was probably the last picture taken of her.

My prayer had been answered - not with a great thundering miracle, not with the red sea parted, not with a miracle cure for my grandmother. It was answered with the gentle love each and every one of us has access to - the love of those who love us, and the love of a God that permeates all that love.

People who doubt in him demand that God show His love on the large scale - prove it to us by stopping the wars we wage, or preventing the effluent we pour out from reaching our rivers. Ultimately, that is too impersonal, and God would prove nothing by interfering in our actions. God works in the grand issues far more intimately. Did God stop slavery? No, good and right thinking people eventually did. But while there was slavery, for every heart-harded plantation owner that beat his slaves, there is today, even still, an African American spiritual speaking the language of Moses. Who outlasted who?

There are atheists who know God better and more intimately than the religious, and there are believers who shine like the sun. I have met them, known them, and loved them.

I can only speak for me. In a moment of quiet longing for something that seemed out of reach, I asked for something that I did not think was there to be asked for. My grandmother and my God reached out, took me by the heart, and simply said, "I know, dear."