I have a friend who worries that he always directs conversations towards himself.... That it always ends up being about him.
I'm not sure I've ever said it aloud before, but I worry about the same thing. If not concious about it, I can easily get rambling about things that are important to me, and get so caught up in what I am talking about, that I lose sight of the fact that the person I am with may not even find my lecture all that interesting!
It helps to be surrounded by family. There is so much going on in a family that it just is not possible for my life to always be about me. But being interested in family does not quite qualify as selflessness. They are family, and it is not an exceptional shift of focus to take my mind off myself and switch it to my family. We can be quite selfish with family without seeming to be. Well, I can be at any rate.
I recently realized that the purest manifestation of selflessness I can muster is to love people who do not know it. I am not speaking here of romantic love or attraction, but rather the deep and profound well that empathy and compassion are drawn from: the love that is sitting, listening, and truly *grasping*.
To grasp someone's existence - to really begin to understand what it is to be that someone else, and to let your heart warm when you realize exactly how much they try to be their best selves - that is love.And they must not know you know, for it would seem like pity!
And as I come to realize it, I also realize that these are only baby steps... I have truly only just begun to learn how to love.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Learning how to love selflessly
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1 comment:
Strange that you write this. I have had this exact line of thought for a little while now. I specifically find it difficult to grasp another's existence, as you put it, instead of judging. Every time I try not to, it all comes back to judging. The worst part is that I am totally aware of it, but can't seem to change it.
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